Consumption At Bedtime

So I'm just sittin here, babysitting. Watching my autistic brother play Star Wars on the wii. As soon as he finishes this level I can take him upstairs and put him to bed... Then I can go to bed. It's Friday night at

7:19 pm. Most seniors are out drinking or getting high, just coz it's Friday. (I'm not from Utah... Do kids do that here?) They are hanging out with their friends. Most of them probably at the premere of Ender's Game. All of them having some sort of fun and living out being seniors with a social life that it's taken them years to devolop. I've lived here for about 2 months. So I'm home on Friday at

7:22 pm thinking about sleep... How long can this level be? But I'm also thinking about my friends. The ones who also have no social lives. I'm thinking about my best friend, she's amazing but she doesn't see it yet. I'm thinking about my old friends from across the country. How they probably never think about me. But mostly, I'm thinking about boys... Well a boy really. His name is (you thought I would tell you?) and I've written about him at least three times now. I hope he never learns who this is. He's the one person who I hope never even learns I have a blog. He'll know it's me... maybe I shouldn't post this. This is very dangerous ground I'm writing on here.

7:25 and I'm thinking about him. Is he at work? With friends? Is he home? Is he sleeping (like I wish I was)? Does he ever think about me?

7:54 pm. I put my brother's pjs on. He's watching the iPad

8:32 pm. He's finally asleep which means now I'm in my pj's typing this on my phone in bed. Finally I can sleep! But, I suspect that I'll put my phone away and roll over and lie awake for the next bazillion hours because he'll be on my mind. Thoughts of him consume me. (Is that creepy? I hope not, I'm really not meaning to be creepy) everytime I get in my car it smells like him and I remember looking over at him while driving just to see him looking at me. (I'm a safe driver I promise) I remember the way we danced and laughed all night and if, by a miracle I do fall asleep... I'll dream of him. He consumes me like TB, so easy to get rid of, yet for the longest time... No one knew how.