I Could Write... But I Won't.

It's not very often that I get stuck not knowing what to write. When I do get stuck I end up extremely frustrated. Like I am now. I had to wait all weekend until today to be able to have the Internet access required to write this blog and now I can't think of anything to write. I could write about how it makes me mad I couldn't find the rest of this picture:

• I could write about the cute new kid in my seminary class, he moved from far away, like me. I could write about the fact I know I'm not going to be asked to Homecoming, which sucks, because this is Senior Year. I could write about how bad I WANT to be asked. How I think it would be fun to be asked by him, because we are both suffering culture/Mormon shock. Oh my GRACIOUS!! Holy CUSS!! 

• I could write about how stressed out I am.
• I could write about all the things I don't have, and all the things I do have. 
• I could write a funny story about my autistic brother. How he peed in the snow in the church parking lot. How he threw my mom's huge electronic toothbrush at a missionary while my dad was praying, how my dad got the giggles really bad, and he never gets the giggles. I could write about his heart surgery, and the seizures he's had. How that scared the crap out of us. I could write about the fact he can eat an entire package of Oreo's in one day, and how yesterday, he did. 

• I could write about my uncle Bubba. He's the closest to me in age who is older, I could write about how until yesterday when we were hanging out I didn't realize how much I truly look up to him. I could write about how much it sucks he lives so far away.

• I could write about how I'm the oldest grandchild on BOTH sides. I could write about how that sucks sometimes.
• I could write about all these things, but I don't think that would satisfy Nelson's plot. I can't think of anything to satisfy this plot, satisfy my need to do everything perfectly and get the approval I so badly crave.

How do I write about being alive, isn't any currently updated writing proof of living? I could die the second I hit publish, would that make a blog about being alive a lie? I don't want to go out like that. The irony would kill me all over again.