Past Writers

I found the "Past Writers" tab of writersparis.
My name was there. I am past, no longer there no longer human.
LUB.
Now I'm just a name on a page that no one will read and no one will find because no one will be looking because none of us are human.
DUB.
I wrote a last lecture to Nelson about life before his class, before Paris.
He didn't read my journal because it wasn't pretty, or colorful, but it was mine.
LUB.
This is my last lecture to you, and I need you to know a few things....
One. this is not my last blog post so keep reading.
DUB.
Two. I gained confidence through your comments and your support.
Three. When I was about to give up on life Insolence found me, and lifted me up. Saved me.
LUB.
Four. Sky made me feel important, like I was worth figuring it out for.
Five. My best friend in my CW class has a girl pen name, but he's a boy.
DUB.
Six. I kinda fell in love...
Seven. But I haven't met him yet.
LUB.
Eight. I don't want to leave Paris, it's a state of mind, but I'm afraid once I walk away, my mind will wander off to business school, where I have to do math but I suck at math. I need Paris.
DUB.
Nine. I cry myself to sleep every night because I want to be held if only for a moment, I want to feel wanted.
LUB.
Ten. When we repeated after Nelson on Wednesday and banged on our desks, I felt something and my heart started pounding and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive.
DUB. LUB. DUB. LUB. DUB.


My heart beats fast now, I am alone, but Lulu is loved and she is me,
So I guess people love me too.

Love,
Emily Jackson